First time

December 21

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Today, I was home. Today, I had a dental surgery. Today, my wisdom tooth was removed. Today, I experienced a lot of pain, and it made me realize that I am not ready to die just yet.
The surgery went well, it was the aftermath that hurt a lot. Papa, mama and I all wanted to watch a movie after my dental check up. But it did not happen as planned. After the dental surgery, I felt weak, as any patient would feel. And so, mama and I went home, and ate ice cream. I slept for the rest of the afternoon to ease the pain. When I woke up, it was still hurting. I want to cry, but crying only made it more painful. And so I got up from bed and went to the sala where my parents were. I was still in pain, so papa bought pain reliever, and then we ate dinner. As we did, I felt strange. My vision was blurry, it was spinning and I can't focus on eating nor listening to what my parents were saying. And so I told them, "Nahihilo ako," I held my head, leaned on a chair. Then I did not know what happened. I passed out. The next thing I knew: papa was holding me tight especially my head, and mama was telling me something like "kaya mo yan." that's when I felt conscious. After that, they moved me from dining table to the sofa, fed me with rice and soup and took care of me. I saw and felt fear in our eyes. It was really unexpected. Mama told me that I was shaking when I passed out and so they held me tight.
Grabe, I did not know that it happened at all. Basta I woke up then, feeling weak to move.
In that moment of my life, I have realized I was not ready to die (I already thought of that possibility). I still have lots to do and lots to accomplish. I still have lots to apologize for and lots to be grateful about. I must never give in with what may hinder me. I must be strong. With the Lord beside me, I know I can do this.
You may say, nahimatay lang naman, di naman masyadong grabe. Well for me it was since it was my first time. Through this, I was able to realize again the blessings that I have and the hardships that I must face and surpass.
I am really blessed to have a family like what I have now. I am blessed with love and care around me. 

Center

What is your center? If he chose you, you must have something important in you.
What makes you you?

Once again, I have pondered for myself such simple thoughts with deep impacts. The first line was from the movie, the Rise of the Guardians. because of that, I remembered again my past experiences, especially through ASLA. :)

My center? Just like Jack Frost, I don't know. I have not fully discovered it yet. Nevertheless, I know what I wanted to do for now. What I know is the Lord is with me, and as I make Him the center of my life, I would be able to do so much, more than what I think I am capable of. But it does not end there, I myself must also be engaged in things and activities that would lift me up and make me grow personally. In this way, I would be able to lift others as well, just like a guardian. haha

okay. the movie was so great that I extracted simple lines and details from it and applied it to myself.

next, one important thing is to believe. Believe in what you want to believe, especially to something that you treasure and to what you will stand for as long as you live. It is never too late; as long as you have a reason to believe, you can believe. :)

next, "how can I know who I am, when I don't know who I was?" another applicable line, huh. now I'm assessing myself. haha, who am I in the past, and what made me who I am now? as the second line in this entry says: what makes you you?

don't be so busy bringing joy to others to the extent that you have no time to be with them.. the most important thing is to create memories with people that you love the most. Just be with them, be there for them, and it would mean a lot

"I know it, I can feel it... in my belly."

Understand

A lot has happened to me this week; and above it all, I have learned something more about Understanding

This week is a mixture of happiness, sadness, disappointment, and anxiety due to many circumstances.. This week, I was hurt, I was afraid but eventually I became happy and satisfied..
This week, I have regretted things but I also have treasured moments..

At some point, it was really difficult; it was like hanging on a cliff, and thinking if I should let go or not. Thankfully I didn't let go. It is because of understanding that I considered the consequences for the choices that I will make...

This week, I was able to apply what I have learned in the Institute: to understand the situation; to act rather than to react. For a lot of times I felt like I should be the one to understand. For a moment, I was physically  but unintentionally hurt; For a while, I was forgotten. I specifically felt lonely. But will I let it devour me? Will I let my sadness take over every second of my life? Of course not, sayang ang time. I understand; I wanted to be happy, and so I will be. Though the pain is still there, it was, nevertheless, lessened and healed. What was left now was a scar, a sign that I have experienced something and that I have learned from it.

My teacher said that the greatest spiritual maturity is according to how a person responds to the weakness of the other. I think what he was trying to tell me was, knowing that the other person experiences something as his weakness, how can try and help him or her? well, first, understand the person. and then, see him in what he can become, and not in what he is now. Even great people make mistakes, but do we see them according to their petty imperfections? di ba, NO. We see them as someone who contributed so much as to influence many people around the world. maybe in this way, i will also try and see other people.

my approach to mean things

When you feel like someone or something is demeaning you, what are you going to do?
You might say, well, I will just ignore him/her, it's not true anyway... but then, if it's true, you might say, how dare he/she talked to me like that! who is he/she to say such mean things. with matching emoticon pa. haha.

anyway.. easier said than done; when you are in such situations like that, it would really depend on how and what one should feel.

I do not intend to talk about a certain someone, I just wanted to express how I feel about this idea/situation.

First, no one can make you feel inferior but yourself; likewise, no one can offend you unless you yourself chose to be offended. Those mean words, bad treatments done to you won't affect you much unless you let it within you. Yes it hurts, but don't take it in, especially if you know that you haven't done anything wrong.
It has always been the tendency of people to judge others, especially their imperfections. From those judgments come misunderstandings, up to the point of "personalan na," in Filipino...  So if you don't want any fight or problems, stop judging, unless that would lift a person's feelings and improve his/her behavior...

Second, if I will be placed in that situation, I might as well accept their judgment about me. I, or we, cannot please everyone - that's a given fact. now, what we can do now is to improve ourselves. Let us use those negative ideas about us as motivations or opportunities to improve, step up and be the person that others did not think we are. That would be a counterattack to people who look at us negatively or wrongly.

Third, ask the Lord for help. There will be situations wherein we would not be able to control ourselves especially when the judgments about us are completely wrong. Pray to God for comfort, to be cool and calm in handling these situations. Count 1-10 as you inhale and exhale, and ask for guidance. The Lord will always be there to help us, so don't ignore nor forget about Him :)


Sometimes, we won't entirely know why a person does or says offending things to or about us, but whatever their reasons are, we, who could understand more, should consider certain things that has affected the situation and understand why it became like that.

ciao.

November Experience

My last week of Sem break was spent in Pangasinan

I missed my family, and I was excited to impart what I have learned in ASLA. I was able to share some, but not everything yet. We spent every day in Pangasinan very well. Almost no idle time, just at night before everyone rests. we went to Manaoag, Dagupan and Baguio; I missed going there. And for the first time, I am going to miss an animal that I thought I never wanted, a dog. haha! specifically, my lola's dog. Hero is just a sweet dog, I forgot the breed, sorry. :)) He sniffs your feet or legs, and wants you to pat his head. What I love most about him is, he is malambing and he does not bite. I just noticed and realized now that his eyes were like telling me that he is scared of people that's why he is just that kind.
Time moves, and so must we. after that week, my tito brought me back at the dorm, and second sem starts...

Still, a lot has happened this month, not only for me, but for the whole world.
there is the earthquake that struck Visayas, the typhoon Yolanda that went through Tacloban and other neighboring islands, and the non stop relief operations held almost around the world.

wait, for me first...
I lost my phone, this month, I forgot when, but I completely remember where: in UP town center.. I went back to check on it, but I found nothing.. well, it's ok for me. I still have Kuya's phone, and my Sun number, so just text me through that number.. :)
I have also had philosophical and theological conversations with my course-batch mates :)) haha. This is what I call an application. I always feel wonderful whenever I share my insights philosophically and sometimes theologically according to the situation. I know these subjects are those that I will treasure the most with my Ateneo Education, that is why I am savoring and using every bit of it. :) lol parang pagkain lang :)))

An inspiring movie... Ip Man I and II. These were such good movies, so nationalistic. Mr. Ip would do just anything to protect his country and his people through what he does best: Wing Chun. :)) It almost made me want to learn the moves. haha. Watch these guys, you'll never regret spending time for it. :)

anyway...

now for the bigger matters. The country experienced great challenges and sorrows this month. Again, there were the typhoon and the earthquake, both struck at the middle part of the country. These were both saddening and alarming for everyone. Our church has emphasized again on the council given to us years ago about the 72-hour survival kit, and how we should prepare both temporally and spiritually. The Lord has a purpose in all things. Just a personal opinion, maybe, somehow we are little by little forgetting His ways, His standards, His commandments; maybe we are indulged in matters that does not please, which is why He needs to remind us once again of His power - that only through Him, we can be eternally happy, that the things of the world will only give temporal happiness and a sense of guilt with the wrong acts that we have done. I really don't know the reason, but the Lord does. Whatever His reason is, I know it is for our own good..
As we all saw, these tragedies also brought everyone together in an action that would help the victims, without considering any deeper constraints (like religion or cultural beliefs), only the transactions and transportations of the goods. I was able to see and talk to dedicated people during these times and was also inspired to give myself and do things that would help the relief operations. It was a heartwarming experience. Truly, giving service is not exhausting. I have always looked for opportunities to help others, and through this, I was able to grab one. I always want to help; if only my body's health would not deteriorate, I could have done more. After a week of helping, I got sick. No complaints, though; I am always thinking that the victims of the disasters were experiencing more than what I do. I am just glad that I was able to at least help in simple ways, especially when I was physically able to do so.

it was such a humbling experience. Now, I am thinking of how we could even celebrate Christmas, while thinking of other families who need help.. Well maybe, I'll figure it out this month. :)

October experience

"Step Back. Think about things well. Choose. Act."
-Guido Sarreal (Thanks, Kuya Guido!)

I can definitely say that I have had a fruitful October this year. A lot has happened and I was able to endure them all...

The month of October every first sem is the deadliest, (haha) because this is the month for finals exams, final papers, orals and mock proposal thesis defense for us. Even though it seemed like a lot, there were certain lessons that I have pondered and gain through these experiences before taking a sem break.

First, in everything that I do, I should be honest, whether or not somebody is looking. Like in our Epidemiology finals, due to some problems, our final exam were conducted online at a certain time. That experience gave the evil side a lot of advantage for temptation, to all of us who took it, to just look at the notes while answering an online exam, nobody would see it anyway... well, nobody?? How about the Lord? If you did that won't you feel guilty, even if you received high grades after? Well, I stood by what I believe in, I answered the test without cheating. Afterwards, everything felt so light, considering the fact that that was my last exam for the sem... :)

Second, in my oral exams, I have learned about the importance of real life application. These subjects like Philo are not only studied to learn, but also to use it or integrate it in every experience that we'll have. Applying the lessons taught here, (also in LS, and Theo), would make us think broader, and deeper.

Third, you just cannot accomplish everything on your own. The more task you do, the more you will need others to help you. Indeed, being dependent is good, however, do not ignore the fact that other people are there to help you. I have received a lot of help for this month: from my friends, blockmates, thesis group mates, my family, my church friends, my org mates, and my God. They were all there, beside me, to help me through it all. I will be forever grateful for their love and service.

The last two weeks of October was sem break...
I spent the first week at home. It has been months since I stayed there for a long time. I felt secured, protected, and happy in my home, with my mom (Papa is working overseas, Kuya is a missionary in CDO, Philippines). I told her a lot of stories and experiences that I have had this sem, it was all wonderful, and I'm glad to let her know everything, down from acads to personal life. :> she is my best friend, I just can't keep any secret from her. :')

the second week was spent with the ASLA community. October 22-26: the memorable dates of my life. no time wasted, everything's fired up with passion and love, as I discovered myself once again, along with my batch mates who share the same vision and dreams with me. We were all able to grow and develop our self-awareness, see the importance of others, immerse ourselves with the people in Antipolo, so that we will know their daily experience and be inspired to take action because of that, and to take steps in fulfilling our dreams for our own communities through day 6.
It was such a powerful experience. The ASLAns were able to move me and were even helping me ignite the burning desires of my heart. I am in Day 6, and I will always be here because I will never stop giving myself for my organization. Yes, I have many dreams in life; but then, as of now, where I am needed the most is where I will devote my time to. And I know in my heart that I am needed at my church organization. Now that I have learned so much, what I will do is to share it to others. I will help in any means possible. I have become more dedicated and motivated with the work that I am doing.. I found "my because" through my journey in ASLA, and I will always continue shaping that "because" in a way that the Lord wanted me to.